quarter life crisis
 |
| Source : Pinterest |
At 25 I feel like I am running out of time. Like with each passing day my dreams slip a little bit more between my fingers.Some days I feel like I am gasping for air & grasping at straws trying not to drown. Almost 5 years after my under grad & just about to finish my Masters & still no stable job. The longest contract I have had was for 6 months last year & even though my boss was passive aggressive & catty, at least I was doing something. Though I have my business ,I am not yet financially stable ( still living at my folks') & it is frustrating to say the least. But I also feel that there is something fundamentally wrong with my thinking that only a 9- 5 can give me the stability I crave. Like only then will I become a real adult.
Also, my relationship sucks & I feel like I am failing on all fronts. The only silver lining is that now I can clearly see my toxic traits. The biggest one being that I have put him first for so long that he has believed that I come second ( & I have silently consented). & now I am resentful about it. I am also resentful towards myself for constantly providing shelter for him while I slowly became a stray. When did not holding grudges become my downfall?
However, watching Kenya Jackson-Saulters Ted Talk, Where's My Stuff: The Quarter life Crisis has given me hope. It made me think that maybe I should slow down & analyze why I feel the way I do & how I can make each day better for myself. Self love & care is not always about buying myself chocolate & reading books that take me out of my reality for a while; sometimes it is calling myself out on my own shit & mutating from my long-held toxic thought patterns. Now that is a love story I want to be immersed in.
Book Review: Speaking of love stories, Julia Kent's Shopping for a Billionaire did heat up but turns out it is book one in a series which is annoying. Otherwise, I liked that Shannon Jacobsy, the leading lady, is a size 16 ( more power to us big girls!). The next book, Jessica Hawkin's Something in the Way , is also the first in a series about two sisters who are in love with the same guy. Manning, 23, actually likes Lake, the younger sister who is 16, but since it is so wrong on so many levels , he dates the other sister Tifanny, 19, as a cover so that nobody gets suspicious of how protective he is of Lake. He is a stand up guy who is in an impossible situation . Love is beautiful but it also sucks sometimes. Yesterday I started book four, Jewel E. Ann's Only Trick. Will update you next time.
Happy Valentine's Day !
xo
