Shush darling
I believe that a quiet mind gets ahead. However, of late, mine has been anything but. I am in a perpetual to rush . Everything feels so urgent whereas nothing really is. Irony is, I am even rushng through the very things that relax me & steady me such a morning devo, reading a book or even listening to podcasts. It is madness really. Makes zero sense.
Today I have been feeling restless. In constant need for a time – out. So I took bits here & there . I even went for a 7 minute walk/ elevator ride & called my parents who are having a ball in Samburu. My dad says that they are just practising for when we move out & it is just the two of them. 27 years together & their love is more solid than ever. God bless them.
In my time- out I also realized that I do not quite enjoy being single single. I do not hate it either . It’s just there. Nevertheless, I have to admit that I quite enjoy a guy’s attention ( as long as it is within certain boundaries). Suffice to say, I reached out to elevator guy. The way we parted nagged at me & I honestly did not feel that it was fair to either one of us. I prayed about it. Actually, I have been praying since we first met. Above all, I do not want my relationship with God to be compromised & yes, I am still celibate.
Like me, he has quite a strong personality – nothing like a quiet guy with a backbone. Like me , he has also been through some things & I am not convinced that we have individually fully unpacked & addressed the baggage. We have talked about it but addressing it, not quite. & for this reason, we find ourselves locking horns. Praying about that as well. Did I tell you about how I prayed for a sign from God concerning him ? 4 times I prayed & 4 times God came through. You would think that that would give me peace of mind but I find myself wondering if I misread God’s signs when my reality does not match what I feel in my spirit. I really do need for God to teach me how to rest easy .That just because my reality does not match what is in my heart it does not mean that it won’t happen.
Talking to this guy has also taught me something fundamental: Proverbs 10:14, the wise don’t tell everything they know, but the foolish talk too much & are ruined. In this case, I am the fool. Recovering fool. I shared my business with some colleagues & it almost ruined said business. Moral of the story, I need to keep my cards close to my chest . As Sarah Jakes Roberts & the delegation put it, I need to join the minding my own business ministries. You should listen to her Woman Evolve Podcast love. It is so fresh !
