insecure
Last week flew right past me. I cannot for the life of me remember what happened between Monday and Wednesday, it was such a blur. Thursday morning I got my nails done before work and on Friday I got my hair laid after work. You see, on Saturday my sister graduated from uni & I was so excited for her.On one hand it was a great day but on the other it was pretty dark I felt so insecure seeing myself in the very many pictures . I felt like the pictures made me look huge but I am a big girl, always have been, but for some reason I felt more insecure than I have all my life. I have no idea where it came from but it really sucked.
I feel like so much of my life has been me trying to lose some weight as if that is my life’s sole purpose. Though I may not be maniacal about weight loss, I feel like at every point in my life it has been at the back of my mind. I hate that it has been that way. Crazy thing is, i do not think I really do want to lose the weight but there is this passive pressure that has had me questioning my sexiness & worth . Like will some guy want me if I am this heavy yet I have guys hitting on me & asking me out all the time. What witchery is this? Why am I doing this to myself? If I do not take myself as I am, who will? I need to be more patient with myself . I really do need time to heal from my insecurities.
